Life - Take The Cake

Start fresh

"The first thing to do is leave the past in the past," says Domonique Bertolucci, life coach and founder of Success Strategies in Sydney. "Don't dwell on past failures. You're just feeding yourself negative dialogue."

Be positive

"You don't have to go all New Age or pretend things are better than they are, but it does help when you're nice to yourself, especially if you're striving for a particularly difficult goal. Bertolucci recommends you listen carefully to your inner dialogue. "We fall into bad habits, continually criticising ourselves," she says.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't be self-reflective, it's just that beating yourself up about shortcomings doesn't help you. Bertolucci's advice? "Don't speak to yourself more harshly than you would a small child," she says. "You need to guard your self-esteem as you would theirs."

Define your goal

"Figure out what it is you really want and then define your goal.

Be realistic

"Unrealistic goals are a recipe for failure. You want to make a million dollars by next year? Get in line and prepare to be disappointed. "When we set unrealistic goals we know we've failed before we start," says Bertolucci. Worse still this can cause us to become unmotivated and our negative spiral towards the self-pity sofa begins.

Consider the obstacles

"Inertia or the comfort of the status quo can also be debilitating. "Ask yourself if, on some level, not achieving your goals is working for you," says Bertolucci. For example, are you avoiding pursuing your interest in art history because you'll have to change your nightly routine? Change will be a part of achieving almost any goal. Accept it and embrace it.

Write it down

"When you document your goal it gives it a new level of power and accountability," says Bertolucci.

Celebrate your success

"And when you reach your final goal, celebrate your success - you deserve it.

Margie Borschke
Family Circle, November 2005