So, why do we get scared? Quite simply, because we care. "It means the issue in question matters," says Bertolucci. "I call it 'scary good'. It means that you're about to take a significant step forward."
Fear factor #1
"I'm terrified of getting my heart broken"
"A broken heart is devastating, but you get over it and come out wiser and stronger," Bertolucci says. "It's crazy to be scared of new relationships because of past experiences - you already know first-hand that you can, and will, recover."
Worst case scenario? You get hurt again. "But," Bertolucci adds, "you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. It might take a week, a month, or longer, but you'll be fine and just as fabulous again."
Fear factor #2
"I'm scared of taking the next step in my relationship"
So how do you know what to do? "People use the expression 'I feel it in my gut' in relation to knowing somethings right or wrong, but I don't think that's a sign of knowing," says Bertolucci. "It's an instinct if you feel it everywhere in your body, but if you just feel it in the pit of your stomach, it's probably fear." If that's the case, you need to find out where the fear originated.
Fear factor #3
"I'm worried I'm not good enough for this promotion"
Career angst is experienced by 99 per cent of people. Fear of failing is an obvious one, nut fear of success can be just as debilitating. Bertolucci says most people worry about the responsibility a new job will bring and whether they'll cope with it. It's also common to get scared of what other people will think of your promotion. "You just need to be committed to always doing the best you can," Bertolucci adds. If you do, you'll have no regrets. Remember: you wouldn't have been hired if your employer didn't think you could cut it.
Fear factor #4
"I hate the idea of a huge loan hanging over my head"
"There are two different kinds of debt - constructive debt and non-constructive. Credit card debt is non-constructive. It's not adding any value to your life," Bertolucci explains. "But a mortgage is constructive debt and actually helps you get ahead for the future."
As long as you've done the sums, are confident you can handle the monthly repayments and have gotten some financial advice from an independent source, then you really shouldn't have anything to worry about. "Very few people in Australia go hungry," she adds. "The standard of living is so high and we all live such an abundant life, what we're probably afraid of is not being able to get a new iPod."
Fear factor #5
"I've got a great business idea, but what if it fails?"
This is actually a situation where fear can make you smarter and stronger. Ask yourself exactly why you're afraid. What's the worst case scenario? How would you handle the situation if it came to that? Now you're prepared, use that fear to motivate yourself into working your hardest to not let it happen. "Feel the fear and carry on regardless. Write up a really good business plan and see if your idea and the numbers stack up," says Bertolucci. "You may never get over that fear, but if you're willing to take the risk and are comfortable with the consequences, there shouldn't be anything stopping you."
Fear factor #6
"I'm petrified people won't like me"
"As humans, one of our ingrained needs is for approval. Developing a sense of belief in yourself that isn't dependent on anybody else's approval will mean you can face so many of your fears head-on," says Bertolucci. The most important lesson? Understanding that fear is normal, then using it to motivate (instead of destroy) you. "So many people use fear as an excuse for not doing something. It's just a feeling - it has no impact on your actions unless you choose to give it power."
Sarah Gawthorne
Cleo, July 2006
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