- Avoid Tears and nagging at all costs
According to Domonique Bertolucci, success coach and author of Your Best Life (Hodder Australia, $35), men aren't comfortable with active emotions. "Men often feel that we're using our feelings as a manipulation tool; that we'll behave differently or even cry to get our way," she says.
Bertoliccu says tears and nagging are likely to intimidate partners in the long-run and have them bolting for the door. "If you want your man to take you seriously, don't demonstrate your feelings - describe them. Instead of crying, say, 'It makes me feel like crying.' That way you're approaching the situation as an equal and not as a scheming or 'needy' girlfriend," she advises.
- Rethink your image
"A lot of women make less of an effort once they're comfortable in a relationship," Bertolucci says. "Make a regular attempt to present yourself in a way you think he'll find attractive."
- Don't latch on to him
If you're serious about wanting to be with your man long-term, you're actually going to have do the opposite sometimes - by giving him space. Too much "hanging out together' time will do his head in, make him feel trapped and can even be detrimental to the relationship, says Bertolucci. "One of the biggest relationship killers is only spending time with each other, " she says. "Any man who feels caged in isn't going to sign up for greater commitment, whereas somebody who knows they're free to see their friends, go to football, and so on, is much more likely to."
- Love him for who he really is
Long-term relationships may spell security or eternal happiness in some minds, but be realistic about your future together. "Think of the most annoying thing he does and ask yourself, 'Can I live with this in the years to come?'"Bertolucci says. "Falling in love is the easy part - it's the 'unconditional' part that can become tricky."
Showing your appreciation for the relationship is also valuable. "Demonstrate your affection by doing nice things for him."
- Bond with his family
A guy's family is an extension of him, so you should be making just as much effort with them. "No guy wants to feel as though he has to make a choice, so a genuine connection will mean the world to him - and show him he can have it all," Bertolucci explains. "Get to know them, find common ground and don't look for faults, look for qualities. Having his family tell him how wonderful you are, and that he shouldn't let you go, serves as quite a strong reinforcement," Bertolucci says.
Bessie Recep
Cleo, May 2008
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