Fire Your Inner Critic

"Women are our own worst enemies in a way that men aren't," says life coach Domonique Bertolucci (http://www.domoniquebertolucci.com/). "Men are quick to find fault in each other, whereas women find fault within themselves. Your inner critic is tied closely to your beliefs about yourself, about how you operate in the world, what's okay and what's not. Left unchecked, those beliefs can have a powerful negative effect on how we see ourselves. That's when the inner critic is born. Everyone has one, but it's up to you how big a voice you give it.

From critic to cheerleader

If that inner critic is holding you back, it's time to do something about it. The first step is the easiest one: realise that the voice is a separate entity. It may be inside you, but it's not you - and it has no right to rule your life.

"Recognise that you have an inner critic which is constantly putting you down," advises Bertolucci. "Then examine the messages it's giving you and look at where they're coming from." If it's telling you you're fat, what's the basis? Do you just need to lose a kilo or two, and your inner critic isn't putting it nicely? Or is there nothing wrong with your body - you just don't like it because it's not Cameron Diaz's?

"If there is validity in the message, coach your critic to present it to you in a positive way," says Bertolucci. "Instead of saying 'You're fat', it'll say 'Try to eat healthily tonight' or 'You're going to the gym today.'

"If the messages have no substance, replace them with alternative ones, so your inner critic starts to think differently. If it's saying you're fat when you're not, then the affirmation might be 'I'm healthy, I'm fabulous.' Teach it to talk to you in a more positive way."

"Your inner critic is a bully. The moment you catch your critic giving you a negative message, replace it with a positive one," says Bertolucci. "And don't make the mistake of comparing yourself to other people - it just gives the voice an excuse to speak. Concentrate on being the best you can be, not what someone else wants you to be."

"Your inner voice will never go away," adds Bertolucci. "But it's your choice as to whether you want that voice to be a critic or a cheerleader. You can control that dialogue, so you make the rules."

Gemma Crisp
Cleo April 2005